Alicia Kozak, Ameri-Corps Vista representative for the United Way of St. Charles Parish, teaches teen girls and guys how to identify the signs that they’re in an abusive relationship.
Kozak knows first-hand about being abused and uses her story to educate teens so they don’t become victims like she did.
At a presentation at Hahnville High School, Kozak warned students about the impact of teen violence and how it leaves the victims scarred long after the relationship ends.
“If somebody loves you, they’re not going to hurt you,” Kozak said. “They won’t hurt you physically, verbally or emotionally.”
Kozak says teen girls or guys can get involved in an abusive relationship very quickly, and it can happen in the blink of an eye.
“It happened to me,” she said. “I dated a guy I had known for five years and he was my best friend. We knew each other, we grew up together, and I was physically, verbally and sexually abused by him.”
Kozak says her ex-boyfriend treated her beautifully at the beginning of the relationship, but then things started to change for the worse. She warns teens to get out of the relationship before it escalates into something dangerous.
“It can happen to anyone, but mostly I see it happening to women and men with low self-esteem,” she said. “What they are failing to realize is the young men they’re involved with who are abusive suffer from low self-esteem too and so do the young ladies who are abused and those who are abusing others.”
But how serious is the problem in St. Charles Parish parish?
“When I started my presentation, the girls at Hahnville High were asked to raise their hands if they had ever been in an abusive relationship or knew somebody who was,” she said. “Out of the group of teens, only about two girls raised their hands.”
Kozak says some of the teens were making comments like ‘that would never happen to me’ and ‘I don’t know anyone in a relationship like that.’
“By the time I finished the presentation, almost every girl or guy in the room said they had experienced some form of abuse in a relationship or had known someone who had,” Kozak said.
If domestic violence is ignored or overlooked in teens, those abusers may grow up to have serious problems.
Lt. Pam Schmitt, a deputy at the St. Charles Parish Sheriff’s Office, says she’s seeing more cases of abuse lately and wants it to stop.
“Now we can do something about it because we can take the abuser to court and the victim doesn’t have to testify or be involved when it comes to making a decision on whether they get arrested.” she said. “That’s a good thing because years ago we couldn’t put the abuser in jail if the victim wouldn’t cooperate, but new laws allow us to arrest the person without the victims help.”
Schmitt says the abuser leaves the victim mentally and physically scarred and some of these injuries won’t go away.
“I’ve seen cases where pots of grits were thrown on people and objects like bats and other objects were used to hurt people,” she said. “It’s escalating and it’s really serious.”
Schmitt says men are victims of domestic abuse too, but often pride keeps them from coming forward.
“I’ve seen men with black eyes and other injuries that their wife or girlfriend caused and their embarrassed to come forward and get the help they need,” she said. “Programs are available to women in the parish who decide they want to get out of a domestic violence situation.”
Rental, utility and other forms of assistance are available for victims of this kind of abuse.
Schmitt says more often than not the victims will leave for a short time and end up going back, so the cycle repeats and continues.
“The highest point of the abuse cycle is when the victim attempts to leave,” she said. “That’s when things become the most dangerous.”
Schmitt advises victims to plan carefully and to avoid making contact with the abuser after leaving.
“Once the victim is safe and in a good location they can begin to rebuild their lives,” she said. “The best thing to do is to take things one step at a time. Leaving is the hardest part, and it’s the first step to a new and better life, especially if children are involved.”
For more information on domestic abuse programs contact the Greater New Orleans Women’s and Children’s Center 24 hours a day, seven days a week. In case of an emergency call the 24 hour hotline: regional 504-837-5400, statewide: 1-888-837-5400.
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