Shirley Parram-Sims had just retired from Entergy Waterford 3 in 2004 and was looking forward to enjoying retirement with her husband when something she couldn’t deny called her – God.
Being an ordained minister, Parram-Sims said she just couldn’t ignore the domestic violence she saw in St. Charles Parish. She started the Alpha Daughters of Zion nonprofit organization and shelter in Luling.
“I am talking about the early sixties, where domestic abuse was an issue that was kept secret,” said the Ama resident. “For some families, it was a common acceptable behavior in the home, the husband beat the wife and nothing was done about it. This organization was established through divine intervention from the Lord. I had no thoughts of doing this kind of service at all.”
The subject is close to Parram-Sims, who grew up in a household with domestic violence. She has outlined her experiences in a recently published book, “You Don’t Know My Story.”
Reader response has been great with many saying they see themselves in Param-Sims’ situation as a child growing up in an abusive home. There was suffering, she said, but many also have found hope in her story if they want it.
A book signing is scheduled 2 p.m. to 4 p.m. Sept. 26 at Madea’s Kitchen, 975 Cambridge Drive in LaPlace.
And, for Parram-Sims, the need has remained clear and apparent.
“Before our organization, there was not a shelter in St. Charles Parish to provide emergency shelter for victims of domestic violence,” Parram-Sims said. “There was and still is a shelter in Jefferson Parish and in Terrebonne Parish, but each are always filled to capacity, so there was nothing here to help our victims and most ended up staying with their abuser.”
Parram-Sims said God also is responsible for her writing the book, which she believes was not only aimed at helping others, but to help her heal, too.
“I had many journals written of issues that went on in my childhood and in my adult life that affected me personally and emotionally, and the Lord instructed me to put them in a book. The book serves as a healing for me and I pray it will be a healing for others that have experienced pain in their lives.”
The shelter was opened in 2008 with Parram-Sims as executive director and Bridgette Alexander as events director and domestic violence advocate.
Public support in the organization’s annual fundraiser gala held in March has been instrumental in supporting their efforts to help the abused.
Parram-Sims said there are too many to name who have helped Alpha Daughters of Zion since their opening through monetary donations, volunteering and adopting some of their clients with children during Thanksgiving and Christmas. She also thanked the management and staff at Valero for providing Christmas gifts to clients’ children for the last six years.
“Unless you have been a victim of domestic violence you cannot understand what a person is dealing with and why some make the choice to stay with their abuser,” she said. “Like so many others, I always asked the questions ‘Why they stay with the person? Why they put up with the abuse? Why?’
“When I started working with our clients, I found out the answer to those questions. The answers are: fear, the spouse is the one who brings in the finances, threats, no job, harm to their pet or to family members, and being told that no one wants you, and that ‘I am only doing this because I love you,’ and most importantly, ‘Where will I go to get away?’” Parram-Sims said the public needs to realize that domestic violence affects all families – the rich, poor, middle class, white, black, Hispanic, the educated, the uneducated, professional, young and the old.
This is where an organization like Alpha Daughters of Zion steps in and provides a safe haven for victims and their children.
She said the good begins when the abused acknowledge they are victims of domestic violence and have been living in an abusive situation, which is unhealthy. This includes working with law enforcement to press charges and seeing it through, as well as seeking shelter.
“It is not hard for the abused to get help if they are willing to seek it,” Parram-Sims said. “We can only help those that want to be helped. They must realize that help is only a phone call away. At our facility we provide temporary housing, counseling if the client wants it, food, clothing, job referrals and, most importantly, safety.”
Abuse changed Parram-Sims’ life, making her more aware of the growing problem of domestic violence and wanting to do something about it.
She does it by making sure the shelter is always available to receive a mother and her children, and to provide a safe haven.
“We need to educate our women of the signs and causes of domestic violence; we need to educate our men that abuse is not the answer,” Parram-Sims said. “Louisiana ranks No. 1 in women of domestic violence being murdered by their spouses or boyfriends or significant others.”
This year, the Alpha Daughters of Zion, also a United Way of St. Charles partner, has joined with the St. Charles Parish Community Education program to hold a class on “Understanding the Dynamics of Domestic/Intimate Partner Violence.”
Six sessions are planned 9 a.m. to noon on Saturdays Sept. 19 to Oct. 31 at the New Life Community Church in Luling. Tuition is free.
For more information, contact Parram-Sims at (985) 308-0819 or Alexander at (504) 259-9739.
For Parram-Sims, the message she’s trying to send to the women she counsels is, “Love is not supposed to hurt.”
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