When things go wrong, we sometimes begin to feel sorry for ourselves or we become envious of other’s success. It may be that we lost a job, we missed out on a promotion at work, or we wonder why we don’t have the big house with the swimming pool. We begin to make excuses, we wallow in self-pity, or we blame someone else for our plight. Let’s examine some of these situations.
Did we lose the job because the other guy fished with the boss or because we lack certain skills that would have made our retention more probable? Did we miss out on the promotion because the other person was a minority or because we constantly missed deadlines in our regular daily duties? Do we not have the big house because we didn’t inherit the money or because we didn’t give 110 per cent at work making ourselves more valuable to our employer?
It’s easy to blame our failures on others. It’s sometimes harder to take responsibility for who we are and our station in life. In blaming others, we set ourselves up for a lifetime of heartaches. It becomes a crutch that we use so much, that instead of supporting us, it renders our legs weak. Instead of being able to stand on our own two feet, we practically become paralyzed and can’t move forward until we have physical therapy.
How can we avoid succumbing to the blame game? We must start by admitting we have a problem. We do this by examining our lives, looking back on the setbacks we’ve had, recalling how we initially responded, and then pinpointing the outcome. From there, we segregate the positive outcomes from the negative. If, for example, we find that we’re always the first one to be laid off at work, then that would be a negative. If we remember that we decided to finally complete our assignments on time and were able to keep that job for an extended period, then that would be a positive.
The next step is to set goals, for instance, I want to retire from this company in 10 years, or I am going to be vice president at my job in the next two years, or I’m going to move to a new subdivision with a bigger house next year.After setting goals, we need to make a commitment to change our lives, so that we can change the outcome. Going back to our examples, if we want to retire then we must identify the tools that will make ourselves so valuable to our company that they won’t want to replace us. Becoming VP might require us to go back to school for a few courses that will give us the management skills we need to ascend to our new position. Finally, to get the big house we might have to adjust our budget or take on a second job in order to save for the down payment.
Sometimes we just want to start over, perhaps in a whole new career. If so, we need to sit down and do a self-assessment, identifying our strengths and weaknesses, our desires, and our potential. “Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us exercise them.” (Romans 12:6) We also have capabilities we can acquire through education, some by book learning and some perhaps in an apprenticeship program. We must be prepared to dedicate adequate time to acquiring these skills. If we are ready to take responsibility for our individual success, there are opportunities for us to succeed.
As a final step in moving on with our lives, we should enlist the support of our spouse, family members and God, not necessarily in that order. Our spouse and family members will be affected by whatever we decide to do, so their encouragement and acceptance of our changes is essential and God will give us the grace we need to persevere one day at a time knowing that “(we) have the strength for everything through him who empowers (us).” (Phil 4:13)
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