Victory over lust begins with self control

Christopher West

My recent columns on “sexual redemption” continue to spark interest. A conscientious Catholic wrote to me after my last column asking for some practical suggestions for living the redemption of his sexuality. What follows is adapted from a recent interview on the same subject.

Pope John Paul II wrote that, to experience victory over lust, we most devote ourselves to “a progressive education in self-control of the will, of sentiments, of emotions, which must be developed from the simplest gestures, in which it is relatively easy to put the inner decision into practice” (“Theology of the Body” (TOB) 128:1, Paulist Press). For example, we might examine our eating habits. If a person can’t say no to a piece of cake, how will he say no to an e-mail enticing him to look at Internet porn? Fasting is a wonderful way to grow in mastery of our passions.

If this isn’t already part of a person’s life, he should start with a simple sacrifice that’s relatively easy to put into practice. As one continues exercising this “muscle,” he will find his strength increasing. What was once “impossible” gradually becomes possible.

The muscle analogy, however, is only half right. Growing in purity certainly demands human effort, but we’re also aided by supernatural grace. Here, as I stated in a previous column, it’s crucial to distinguish between repression and entering into redemption. When lust “flares up,” rather than repressing it by pushing it into the subconscious, trying to ignore it, or otherwise seeking to annihilate it, we can surrender our lusts to Christ and allow him to “crucify them” (see Gal 5:24). As we do, “the Spirit of the Lord gives new form to our desires” (Catechism of the Catholic Church 2764).

In other words, as we allow lust to be “crucified,” we also come to experience the “resurrection” of sexual desire as God intends. Not immediately, not easily, but gradually, progressively, as we take up our cross every day and follow, we can come to experience sexual desire as the power to love in God’s image.

When sexual temptations assail us, as they often do, we might say a prayer like this: “Lord, I thank you for the gift of my sexual desires. I surrender my lustful desires to you and I ask you please, by the power of your death and resurrection, to ‘untwist’ in me what sin has twisted so that I might come to experience sexual desire as you intend – as the desire to love in your image.”

As John Paul II wrote in his Theology of the Body, “perseverance and consistency” is required in learning “what the meaning of the body is, the meaning of femininity and masculinity. . . . This is a ‘science that cannot really be learned only from books, because it consists primarily of deep ‘knowledge’ of human interiority,” that is, of the human heart. Deep in the heart we learn to distinguish the mystical treasures of sexuality from that which bears only the sign of lust. “One should add,” John Paul says, “that this task can be carried out and that it is truly worthy of man” (TOB 48:4).

It’s certainly true that sometimes love and lust are difficult to distinguish. A man, for example, upon recognizing a woman’s beauty, might wonder where the line is between seeing her as an object for his own gratification and lovingly admiring her beauty. As John Paul writes, lust “is not always plain and obvious; sometimes it is concealed, so that it passes itself off as ‘love’ . . . Does this mean that we should distrust the human heart? No!” the Pope insists. “It is only to say that we must remain in control of it” (TOB 32:3).

“Control” here doesn’t mean merely dominating unruly desires in order to keep them “in check.” As we mature in self-control, we experience it as “the ability to orient [sexual] reactions, both as to their content and as to their character” (TOB 129:5). The person who is truly master of himself is able to direct erotic desire “toward what is true, good, and beautiful” (TOB 48:1). As this happens we come to understand and experience the mystery of sexuality “in a depth, simplicity, and beauty hitherto altogether unknown” (TOB 117b:5). In turn, we come to see that the version of sexuality promoted by the culture is like junk food compared to the banquet of love unfolded in the divine plan.