Pornography is another silent killer

By “Deacon G” Gautrau

High blood pressure is called the silent killer because a person can walk around for years without warnings or symptoms, and then out of nowhere it makes its grand entrance in the form of a heart attack or stroke.

Pornography is another silent killer. It can destroy families, causes the loss of jobs, reputation and self-esteem, can lead to criminal behavior, and is a major threat to marriages once the secret is out.

What is pornography? Over the years the legal system, including the highest courts, have struggled with a definition. Potter Stewart, an Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court, said that “hard-core pornography” was hard to define, but that “I know it when I see it.” In its simplest form, pornography is the depiction of sexual behavior that is intended to arouse sexual excitement in its audience.

So how prevalent is it? According to the My House Men’s Group, “statistics show that 1 in 10 men admit to internet sexual addiction, 72% of men visit pornographic sites, 47% of Christian families say that pornography is a problem in their home and 57% of pastors say that pornography is the most damaging issue to their congregation.”

Pornography’s victims aren’t just men. Women can and do observe and use porn, but are more often the subjects or performers in explicit videos, pictures or live dances. The degradation of women in this way should be abhorred. While some women work in the industry for the money, others are coerced into the sex trade due to addiction to drugs, a desperate act of survival, or a misplaced feeling of or lack of love.

Children can experience traumas related to encounters with their parents’ pornographic material. High school students who become addicted to porn suffer in their schoolwork, go into isolation and are often depressed. Married men who spend an inordinate amount of time looking at porn have trouble receiving satisfaction from their sex partners since the more they observe on the internet, the more they become desensitized to normal sex, and their fantasy supersedes reality. Since more and more stimulus is needed to satisfy the addict, some turn to molestation of children, rape and even murder.

Pornography devastates marriages. Wives feel betrayed and angry. They no longer trust their husbands, and with just cause. Many a wounded wife can quote Matthew 5:27-28, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you, everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” The husbands are no longer emotionally attached to their wives. Divorce becomes a probability.

According to Mary Anne Layden, Ph.D. (Center for Cognitive Therapy, Department of Psychiatry, University of Pennsylvania), “when viewing pornography becomes an addiction, 40 percent of ‘sex addicts’ lose their spouses, 58 percent suffer considerable financial losses, and about a third lose their jobs.”

It’s quite obvious from all of the above that pornography is a silent killer of moral, social, financial and spiritual health.

How can someone overcome this addiction and save themselves from one of these deaths?

First he must admit he has a problem. He must weigh the negative outcomes of remaining addicted, against the hollow feelings of satisfaction received from continuing without change. He must seek the assistance of a higher power, God, in helping him to do something he can’t do on his own and asking his forgiveness. He must make amends with those he has hurt by his actions. Finally, he should not undertake this life-changing event on his own but rather with a support group.

Just as there is a 12 Step Program for alcohol addiction, there is also one for men struggling with pornography and/or other sexual compulsions. One such local group is the My House Men’s Group sponsored by the Archdiocese of New Orleans. While it is Catholic-based, it is open to men of all denominations. They operate in small sharing groups and every aspect of the operation is cloaked in anonymity and confidentiality. They can be reached by email at myhouse@archdiocese-no.org or by calling (504) 430-3060.

For those Christian men who have forgotten why we don’t engage in pornography, here’s a reminder: “This is the will of God, your holiness: that you refrain from immorality, that each of you know how to acquire a wife for himself in holiness and honor, not in lustful passion…For God did not call us to impurity but to holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not a human being but God. (1 Thes 4:3-5,7-8)

For those women who are victims of a relationship altered by pornography or other sexual perversions, I’d like to recommend the book “Shattered Vows” by Debra Lasser, a licensed marriage and family therapist. A Barnes & Noble overview of the book states, “This sensitive guide provides practical tools to help you make wise and empowering decisions, emotional tools to develop greater intimacy in your life, and spiritual tools to transform your suffering.”