November 27, 2004

We need a little Christmas

By Blake M. Petit
Managing Editor

By the time most of you read this, you should be nice and full after the annual gorge-fest that we all call Thanksgiving, plus a day or two of leftovers. By now, I’m sure I’m full too. But due to the miracle of modern technology (i.e. having two days off) I’m writing this on Tuesday, two days before Thanksgiving, as I proceed through my annual ritual of allowing myself to go hungry in anticipation of mountains of turkey, potatoes, ham, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie and Pepto Bismol.

We also know that yesterday marked what I personally consider the official start of the Christmas season. I have become world famous (defined by being recognized by my grandmother and three other people in this office) for my strict adherence to this rule. Trees, holly, ivy, tinsel, Santa hats -- I do not want to see these things until, at the absolute earliest, the timer pops out of the turkey and St. Nick is rolling down the street in the Macy’s Parade. Heck, this year I wrote a column as early as October complaining about seeing holiday decorations and hearing carols too early for my tastes. It seems to creep a little earlier every year, doesn’t it?

TV can get pretty ridiculous as well. It’s gotten so bad that this year’s “American Idol” Christmas special aired the day before Thanksgiving (a grand total of 17 days after the “Simpsons” Halloween special aired on Nov. 7 -- doesn’t anyone at the Fox network own a calendar?).

Worse than the programming, of course, are the Christmas-themed commercials. I’m sure they were on even earlier than I recall, but I first noticed how we had become deluged by them when I got to Dallas on Nov. 4 on vacation. I got to the hotel, turned on the TV to wind down from the long drive, and saw a bunch of carolers singing to me songs that don’t rhyme about shopping early and, gosh darn it, Old Navy is the place to do that. While granted, this is a step up from their abominable commercials that used to star a dog or spoof “The Brady Bunch,” it is still not enough to entice me to break my vow not to shop at Old Navy out of general principle.

Then there’s that absolutely terrible commercial -- I know you’ve seen it -- where a group of random yet utterly calculated to be as PC as possible people sing songs about some weird mutant hybrid holiday called “Christmahannakwanzakah.” I am not making this holiday up. I think I’ve got a pretty good sense of humor when it comes to my faith. This commercial offends me not so much because of its disrespect for the various holidays involved, but just because it is blindingly annoying and stupid. Should the makers of this commercial happen to be reading this column, I would like you to know you failed. While I will remember your ad, it will be as the single worst commercial of 2004, and furthermore, no matter how hard I try, I cannot even remember what it’s a commercial for.

Christmas movies also creep earlier. “The Polar Express” came out on Nov. 10, and Ben Affleck’s “Surviving Christmas” hit theatres back in October (and will hit DVD on Dec. 21 -- and you thought “Gigli” was embarrassing). I’ve got quite a collection of Christmas movies on DVD myself, but I haven’t watched any yet.

But here’s the important thing, friends, most important than all my griping and moaning, more important than my uncovering the stupid people among us, even more important than my rapier wit and witty repartée.

It’s here now. And it didn’t come a moment too soon.

Somehow, I think we need Christmas this year. More than ever. Just looking over everything that’s happened in the past year, from the overblown Janet Jackson hysteria to the endless coverage of the Scott Peterson trial, the nastiness of the Kobe Bryant case to the bitterest election season I can ever remember... aren’t you just sick of it all? Aren’t you ready for a few weeks of candles and lights, soft carols and snowflakes? Don’t you long for the smells of baking cookies and of pine needles from trees ever green?

I know I do.

Maybe it’s harder to be nasty to someone wearing a Santa hat. Maybe you can’t summon up as much anger while “O Come, All Ye Faithful” fills your ears. Or maybe there’s something higher that grips good, decent people of all faiths this time of year. Thanksgiving is an appropriate time to start -- it’s when we reflect on how lucky we are for all that we have, and perhaps it’s that reflection that carries us through December.

I broke my own rule this year, friends. Last weekend, thinking about my annual Christmas short story (I’ve written one every year since 2000), I got out all of my Christmas CDs and downloaded my favorite songs onto my laptop so I can listen to them as I write. And I listened to some then, too, even though by my own calendar I was six days too early.

Sometimes we just need a little Christmas.

And sometimes we need a lot.

Blake M. Petit’s previous four Christmas stories are available at his website, www.Evertimerealms.com. This year’s will be posted on Dec. 22. Contact him with comments, suggestions or a fruitcake at BlakeP@heraldguide.com or at 758-2795, ext. 215.