The chaos of the holiday season is turning my smile upside down
And while those things do bring a smile to my face, I’ve got to admit that I’m ready to close down the toy shop and send the elves into hibernation.
Last week, I was awakened to the unsettling sound of a shiny glass ornament clanking around my kitchen.
The prime suspect was my tortoise-shell tabby, Tabitha.
She’s your typical cat - likes to play with anything that’s shiny, makes noise and that annoys me.
She’s been up the tree and right back down to her ideal napping place - curled up in the middle of all the perfectly wrapped presents.
Tabitha has chewed on the lights, gnawed on wrapping paper, and has batted at and broken nearly six ornaments.
And if that’s not enough to deal with, there’s the gift buying and the cooking and the traveling.
I spent my first shopping trip of the season waiting 45 minutes in the check-out line to purchase gift bow and tissue paper, but my second attempt to fight the crowds put me hobbling out of the department store with a swollen right ankle.
Can anyone say “ouch?” Well, I said that and much more when a red wagon fell off the shelf and onto my foot.
There I was, comparing the prices on karaoke machines when a sudden thump and sharp pain almost took me out.
My fiance, who was standing behind me, was supposed to be manning the shopping cart, but instead he was lost in a daze and started a major domino effect when the box he was leaning on toppled over.
One wagon, two wagon, three wagon four - right off the shelf and onto my foot and the floor.
By the time I turned around to yell at him, he’d already escaped and sought refuge down the shampoo aisle.
After a not-so-high-speed chase five minute chase, I cornered him near sporting goods and said, “I know that you hate shopping, but don’t you think that clobbering me with large metal objects is taking it a little too far?”
He agreed without a fight and apologized, and said that he would be more attentive to his surroundings.
I usually like to make personalized gift baskets and handmade bows for my family and friends, but this year there’s no energy in the reserves for crafty and time-consuming projects.
I’d rather risk buying pre-wrapped presents - not knowing what is inside - to give to people than literally risk my life drowning in a sea of sale advertisements.
If you think about it, it would be quite amusing to watch my dad open up a box and find a plush pink sweater inside, or my mom find a tool belt inside her gift bag - at least they could trade!
I know what you’re thinking and I can’t believe it either, but I believe that I’ve been scrooged!
Oh well, maybe I’ll be in better spirits next year. Until then, just call me Ebenezer. Ba humbug!
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